im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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