One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
