it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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