my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
