I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
