would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
