Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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