you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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