When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
