I need help removing her.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
