and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
my poor anus
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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