My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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