she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
