fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
