Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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