Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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