...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
