$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
All I want is dick and wine.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
