so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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