Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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