the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize
