:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
If I die, sorry about rent.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
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