you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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