clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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