found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
