dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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