Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
