I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
