i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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