The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
