Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Man, jail baloney is awful.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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