yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
