I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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