i think my mom watched the whole time
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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