I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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