Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
