i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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