i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
