As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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