he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
