"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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