You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Randomize
