I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
