Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
