yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
