Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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