How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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