i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
