My hand turned me down
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
