Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
