Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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