Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
