Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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